![]() ![]() The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” - Sir Norman Wisdom ![]() “As you get older, three things happen.“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” - Graham Norton.“The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” - Claire Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias.“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” - Robin Williams.“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” - Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.The people who need it most never use it.” - Anonymous “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” - Steven Wright.I wake up in the morning and say, ‘I don’t know, should I have a popsicle or a donut?’ You know, who knows?” - Oscar Nunez Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend.Then by all means follow that path.” - Ellen DeGeneres Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later." - Mitch Hedberg “I'm sick of following my dreams, man.That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” - Jack Handey “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.“Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” - Dorothy Parker.“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” - Joan Rivers.Take yourself a little less seriously with these funny quotes about life. When life give you lemons… you know the rest. Sit back, relax, and bring a bit of comedy into your life with these 111 lines of reflection, humor, and lived experience. This collection of fun and funny quotes will hopefully bring a smile to your face, and can be used for a variety of crafts, like cards, posters, and signs, or for social media captions and graphics. He is doing his best.'"ġ8) “Every American Bride is taken there, and the sight of that tremendous waterfall must be one of the earliest, if not the keenest, disappointments in American married life.” (on Niagara Falls)ġ9) “I wonder that no criminal has ever pleaded the ugliness of your city as an excuse for his crimes.” (on Cincinnati)Ģ0) "America is not a country, it is a world.Whether you’re stuck at work, waiting for your train, or just scrolling down your feed, you may need a little extra enjoyment to make your day feel brighter. Over the piano was printed a notice: 'Please do not shoot the pianist. One is waked up in the morning, not by the singing of the nightingale, but by the steam whistle."ġ7) "In one dancing saloon I saw the only rational method of art criticism I have ever come across. living on the memory of crushing defeats"ġ4) "Everybody in American seems in a rush to catch a train."ġ5) "The first thing that struck me on landing in America was that if the Americans are not the most well-dressed people in the world, they are the most comfortably dressed."ġ6) "America is the noisiest country that ever existed. Perhaps Whitman is not so widely read in England, but England never appreciates a poet until he is dead."ġ3) "The beautiful, passionate, ruined South, the land of magnolias and music, of roses and romance. Oscar Wilde quotes about the United Statesġ) "America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up."Ģ) "America has never quite forgiven Europe for having been discovered somewhat earlier in history than itself."ģ) "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilisation in between."Ĥ) "In America the young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience."ĥ) “When good Americans die, they go to Paris." "Where do bad Americans go?" "They stay in America” (The Picture of Dorian Gray)Ħ) "I was very much disappointed in the Atlantic Ocean."ġ1) "In America the President reigns for four years, and journalism governs for ever and ever."ġ2) "Walt Whitman and Emerson are the poets who have given the world more than anyone else. Wilde died in Paris, aged 46, on November 30 1900. Here are some of the best quotes about the United States from the author of The Importance of Being Earnest and The Picture of Dorian Gray, who was the subject in 2015 of a book called Wilde in America. When he arrived at the Hudson River dock, so the legend goes, a federal customs agent asked him whether he had anything to declare. The playwright and poet, who was born in Dublin on October 16th 1854, visited 150 cities during his talking tour. Oscar Wilde was 27 when he arrived in New York in January 1882.
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